Pregnancy and foods to avoid - does everyone get worse with each subsequent pregnancy

Don't panic we are not expecting another baba, I simply was discussing this with another mum, so thought I may as well carry my rant over to the blog.

I am getting a little old now, so remembering 10 years ago is a bit of a challenge for my rapidly shrinking brain.

However I do remember with my first pregnancy being a disciple to the NHS what not to eat guidelines. Now imagine someone taking a list all nearly all your favourite foods, and then laughing in your face while they tell you that you will not partake in those delights for nearly a year. The gits!

It is like someone asked me what my favourite foods were, then proceeded to just delete the title and replace with the title "what not to eat in pregnancy".

Here we go:

Cheese
Don’t eat:

• mould-ripened soft cheeses, such as brie, camembert and others with a similar rind such as chèvre (a type of goats’ cheese)  I love a bit of soft cheese, ummmmmm, especially with a nice chutney, double ummmmmm
• soft blue-veined cheeses, such as Danish blue, gorgonzola and Roquefort I am a major stilton fan, in fact the stinkier and grosser the cheese, then the happier I am.

Cheeses like this are made with mould and can contain listeria bacteria that cause listeriosis. Go jump bloody listeria, pass the cheese please

Eggs
Don’t eat raw or undercooked eggs and avoid foods that contain them, such as homemade mayonnaise. Nothing quite like a fried egg and bacon sarnie, or for that matter French fries with mayo.

Make sure that eggs are thoroughly cooked until the whites and yolks are solid. Boring, boring boring, who wants to eat a bloody egg when the life has been cooked out of the poor little thing.

Milk
Don’t drink raw (unpasteurised) milk, I drank raw milk all through my childhood on the farm, but I am more than happy with this one, so no swearing from me here.

Pâté
Avoid all types of pâté, including vegetable pâtés, as they can contain listeria. The arse arse arse arses. How dare they, I love a bit of pate, liver or salmon pate, taking those away from me was just plain old wrong.

Meat
Cook all meat and poultry thoroughly so there’s no trace of pink or blood. Take particular care with sausages and minced meat. Good idea lets make any meat I can eat taste like shitty old leather ( I am being sarcastic just in case you missed that!)

Liver
Don’t eat liver or liver products, such as liver pâté or liver sausage, as they may contain a lot of vitamin A. Too much vitamin A can harm your baby. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I am a bit disgusting and love any odd animal parts, kidneys, liver, tongue, send it all my way

Fish
There are some types of fish you should limit, such as tuna and oily fish, and some types of fish you should avoid completely, such as shark. Also, don’t eat raw shellfish, as it can cause food poisoning. Now that's just being mean, I love the ocean, but being a committed meat eater I do kind of view its contents as an amazing huge taster board for me to get stuck into, fish fish I love fish ( sorry just had to explain to the fish in my tank that they are safe from my knife and fork).

Alcohol
You should avoid drinking alcohol if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant. Too much exposure to alcohol can seriously affect your baby's development.  I don't think I need to comment on this one, why create alcohol and then take it away from women when they need it the most.

Caffeine
You should limit caffeine during pregnancy - don’t have more than 200mg of caffeine a day. High levels of caffeine can cause babies to have a low birth weight. The bastards taking away my endless supply of tea, I am rarely seen without a cup of tea nearby or nursing a cup of tea in my hands.

Reducing the risk of toxoplasmosis
Wash fruit, vegetables and salads to remove all traces of soil, which may contain toxoplasma, a parasite that can cause toxoplasmosis. I don't mind this one, as generally I am not in the habit of eating dirt or licking cat shit ( well not often)

Sorry I went a bit off topic there. My point is with Aidan I followed those guidelines as if the world would end if I dared to even think about deviating.

With Alex I broke the rules a little, with Cat I broke them a little more. By the time I got to Elliot I was almost having a breakfast of vodka tea accompanying cheesy raw eggs covered with liver pate, and with a side order of cat poo. Okay that's an exaggeration, but I certainly bent the rules a heck of a lot more with each subsequent pregnancy.